Jonathan's Mistletoe Diary

December 16, 2013

As she stood beneath the mistletoe. ho-ho, ho-ho!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jonathan Briggs @ 5:36 pm

When Mr Bieber’s ‘Mistletoe‘ song charted a couple of years I despaired. It was worse than Biff Pilchard’s ‘Mistletoe and Wine‘ (and it messed up every search engine’s responses to the word ‘mistletoe’ for ever!).

News reports this week reveal that Pilchard’s version of Mistletoe and Wine is an over-sentimentalised version of a more politically-motivated original. And the original was part of a 1987 musical version of A Little Match Girl. You can watch a version of that here.

This information is some comfort I suppose. But it did make me wonder – would we ever get a decent mistletoe-themed song at Christmas?

And then I remembered… we already had it! Way back in 1974. It was the B-side of The Inbetweenies by The Goodies .

And it was…

Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me“. (actually briefly the A-side as they swapped it round in November 1974, just to confuse us).

A classic – but probably politically-unacceptable due to its innuendo and improper suggestiveness these days.  If you can’t remember it, here it is….

Confessions of a teenager: I remember discussing the song (and singing it too) at the tender age of 13 and 3 quarters, with my good friend Julian Goodwin (now a respectable member of staff at the School of Engineering & Physical Sciences at Heriot-Watt University – complete with slightly scary picture).

We were particularly keen on the ever-diminishing chorus, though I (I can’t speak for Dr Goodwin) was far too naive to fully grasp the innuendo of Father Christmas Do NOT! Father Christmas DO!, Father Christmas!!!, Father! and Farrrrrrrr!

I do vaguely (and embarrassingly) recall we experimented with substituting ‘underwear’ for ‘unawares’ in our rendition – but I think we dismissed it as being too risqué!

Commercial break:

EMShopTry The English Mistletoe Shop for Grow-Kits, Grow-Kit Gift Cards, Books etc, and mistletoe of course.

Or go direct to Amazon to buy A little Book About Mistletoe – in paperback or Kindle formats


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